


The Point Where They Snap

by etherealApostate



Category: Death Note
Genre: Amputation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9780248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealApostate/pseuds/etherealApostate
Summary: What might've happened if L'd had his morals pushed a little further after finding out about the Death Note.





	

L threaded his bottom lip under his teeth, pushing down and scraping out blood from the split skin.

“Don’t tell me this is the only way,” Light said, and his voice was dangerous under its pleading tone, his eyes were darkened like death under his brow – his true face. L’s right eye twitched, and he continued methodically sucking the blood from his lip.

“How long have you been _doing_ that?” Light continued, with an edge of irritation. “You’re killing yourself, L. You haven’t slept in weeks. You’re going to kill _me_.” Light leaned forward as far as he could, straining at the handcuffs he wore strung through the iron staple in the desk before him. L ignored him, concentrating on keeping his eyes focused, so they didn’t flit around like they so badly wanted to, as his lip ached and his hands continued the preparations.

“Think about it,” and now there was the righteous tone. “I’m your _friend_ , Ryazuki. How could you do this to me? I can understand confining me. I can understand even the handcuffs – but this? This is insane!”

L was done. He swallowed a few drops of spit mixed with blood and looked up finally at Light, across the desk that separated them. “I know. Light, I am doing what I have to do.” He swallowed again, and picked up the slender butcher’s knife. Igniting the blowtorch flame, he held the blade inside it, wrapped in his gloved hand. “Now” (and his voice broke) “which one first?”

Light shut his mouth. This was pointless. He would find a way regardless, he could write without fingers, he was sure of it. But it would set him back, and he had no way to fight L except for pleading….

L shut off the blowtorch and regarded his friend for a moment. “Hold your hands flat on the table.”

Light complied, his mind burning, and he willed tears to his eyes. “Ryazuki,” he said, as L gently, firmly held down the end of Light’s left pinky finger with one hand. “If… if you want to do this to me, do it.” Yes, now there was the warmth welling at the corners of his eyes. Light urged it on, taking a shuddering breath as he continued. “I can’t do anything about it. But I… I don’t see how I could ever love you if—“ He shut his mouth, as if he hadn’t meant to say that.

L dropped the knife onto the cold metal desk; it bounced to the ground, red hot and sizzling. “What—“ his voice shook.

Weak-voiced, Light managed, “I didn’t mean to tell you.”

L bowed his head, eyes unreadable and sheathed in matted black hair. “Explain.” Light could see him worrying at his lip again.

Yes. Foot in the door.

“…We’ve come so far. We’ve spent so much time together – God, Ryuzaki, I can’t even sleep without you now.” Light’s voice was thick with tears. “And –“ he twisted his head, wiping his face on his shouler – “I… I’ve never known someone like you before. You… you are good, and just, and honest, and you amaze me, Ryuzaki. I’ve always admired your intellect so much. And then….”

Light gulped. This was where he had to sell it. “You caught me, I guess.” Weak chuckle. L was still silent, unmoved. “I started noticing the things you do, the way you put your thumb at your mouth when you’re thinking, the way you count how many sugar cubes are in your tea, the way you tremble sometimes in your sleep. I knew I couldn’t let it happen, but it did anyway.” He was silent a moment. “I can’t help it. I love you.”  _And I'll give you the death you deserve, one way or another._

L’s heart was pounding, but he knew. He could tell. He looked up. “I have to reheat the knife now. It's gone cold. Try not to say anything more while I do this.” His voice was shaking. He bent and picked up the knife, held it to the blowtorch, refusing to meet Light’s eyes.

Stupid, L thought. Stupid. All you’ve done is make my hands shake even more. He could feel himself choking on his own breath.

He set the blowtorch down and again held Light’s left pinky steady. I love you, Light Yagami, he thought, and brought the knife down to sever Light’s finger at the base.

Light’s scream eachoed in the warehouse and in the pit of L’s stomach. “You know,” L began, pressing the sizzling flat against Light’s open stub to ensure cauterization (Light was making whining sounds, L tried to block them out, it was no use, no use), “I already feel terrible about this. There’s no need to make it worse by trying to get my hopes up like that.” He removed the knife and picked up the dismembered finger, examining it in the low fluorescent light.

“ _You_ – you feel terrible?” Light’s voice rose to a high pitch. Incredible, L thought, his mind warring with itself among distaste and sympathy and bitter guilt. “This is completely wrong, Ryuzaki! Wrong on every level!”

L slowly nodded, using two fingers to pick up and delicately set the severed digit down at the edge of the desk. “Mm-yes,” he said, talking in that way he did, barely opening his mouth. “This goes against everything I stand for. When I have neutralized you as a threat, I will turn myself in.” He began the pattern again, holding the knife to the blowtorch, and finally met Light’s eyes. One gaze was masked in coldness, the other in weakness. “You will not be neutralized until you die.”

“So what then?” Light spat, as L grabbed his fourth finger. “Are you going to kill me, is –“ he was cut off by his own scream.

L shook his head, pressed the knife hard against the stub at Light’s hand, and withdrew it. “No. I’ll just wait until you die. The handcuffs won't come off this time. And if I die before you do – “ L paused to peel a long strip of skin up off his top lip and swallow it – “I have replacements ready.”

Light sat reeling in pain and his own silence. L once more held the knife to the blowtorch.


End file.
